Sorry I haven't been keeping up with my blog, you guys! I hit a little rough patch for a little bit.
I enjoy writing about progressive things, and for the past couple weeks or so, it's been hard for me to find things to write about. I had been riding not only the wedding high, but the moving high, and the new house high, etc. etc. And one day I woke up and that 'high' felt as if it had vanished. Suddenly cleaning the dishes 3x a day, along with other chores, wasn't as exhilerating as it was 2 months ago. Making dinner didn't hold the appeal it did 2 months ago. And throughout the day, I had a voice in head come out of no where that said 'you're depressed'. And I said, 'Haha... No, I most certainly am not. Please go away.' But it kept coming back, saying the same thing, and after fighting it for a couple weeks, I finally started believing it. I stopped paying attention to my 'to-do' list. I stopped looking for ways to keep my mind occupied, and for about a week, I just did the bare minimun. I made dinner, I cleaned dishes when they were piled a mile high, and at the end of the day would quickly clean up before I went to pick Joe up from work.
Obviously I'm not proud of this slump I was in, but... I just want to be real with you, and admit that I am not JUST the happy go lucky loving every milisecond of life person ALL of the time. I aim to be, but let's be real, who is? Anyway- I had been keeping the way I was truly feeling from Joe, when it finally came crashing down this weekend. Saylor was taking a nap and Joe and I were playing a game of Othello. Now, Joe beats me at almost EVERYTHING we do, and I'm used to it, and usually think it's pretty humorous- but this game was different. I started getting very upset and frustrated, calling myself dumb and questioning why he is always better at everything. Then being the female that I am, that converstaion ultimately turned into something else entirely (the real reason I've been so glum). I MISS MY FAMILY. AND MY FRIENDS. And even my old coworkers.
I am in grief of the life I "gave up" to come to Oregon. I felt very guilty for feeling that way. So- moving on to the point of me realizing it's not worth it to feel bad anymore.....
Yesterday- I looked in the mirror and just told myself that I had given myself time to mope and feel sorry for myself, and that was enough. It was now time to get back to business. I promised myself that as soon as I felt myself starting to mope or feel sad again, I would feel it, and recognize it for what it is, and then I would go on to keep myself busy and not sit in it all day.
So, so far so good. I feel good, and like I'm getting back on track. (And I can't lie, the fact that my parents are going to be at my house in less than 48 hours is helping). I just keep telling myself this is a place to grow as a person and really... a place to really get to know myself and learn to REALLY love myself, which I think is an art very few of us TRULY master. I am now officially turning off the mean voice in my head, and turning on the nice one. Beside, if the mean voice was a real person, there is NO way I would ever hang out with them. So, I'm applying that same concept to the mean side of my brain. :D I love you guys.
