My mantra...

I had the most wonderful conversation with my best friend, Kinsey, the other day. We talked for 2 hours, so a lot was discussed. She's a very 'with it' girl, so I always thoroughly enjoy hearing what she has to say about... well, anything. We came to the topic of our love lives, and she said something to me that really hit home. She was saying that naturally in relationships we develop expectations, and that seems harmless in most aspects, but it's really not okay. She said, love is just love, it doesn't expect anything, and when you don't get what you expect from your partner, you feel slighted or unfulfilled, but it's really your fault in the first place for having those expectations. And she is absolutely right.

My relationship with Joe is great, but after hearing those words from her, I really started to put them into play, and just over the past week, our connection has really strengthened. I realized I DID have expectations that even I was unaware of, because they had become so engraved and accepted in our relationship, and then when they weren't met, I became authoritative and almost demanding of them to BE met. Now that I'm seeing those expectations for what they are and I'm letting them go. And now that they are going away, I feel more fulfilled than ever! Who wants to do something for someone when they are demanding it? It's easier to deliver when a person has their guard down and doesn't have any strict guidelines to meet. Is this making sense?! Hahaha.

Okay, so this brings me to how I developed my mantra. The day Kinsey and I spoke about this, I became determined to break down my expectations. So, I drove to the OSU campus to pick Joe up and I almost feeling cocky about the information I had obtained. I was so enthusiastic to put it to use. Joe hops in the car, and we say hello to each other. And hilariously enough, one of the first things he says really grinds my gears (it was obviously so insignificant that I can't remember it) and I tried as hard as I could to talk myself out of getting annoyed but my feathers were so ruffled I couldn't comb them back down and THAT is when I realized I was allowing my emotions to control me, and not the other way around.

And so... I got home and wrote it down, the thing that is hanging on the wall in the kitchen where I do all of my "work". It says, "I will control my emotions and not allow them to control me. Acceptance, enthusiasm, or joyfulness are the ONLY three emotions I will strive for."

All these nervous breakdowns are serving their purpose :D I think sometimes we have to get a little torn down to rebuild ourselves to be stronger.